Used
by Punk Rock Emo Princess
Summary: The last thing I wanted to do was use her, but that's exactly what I did.


**Used**

_The last thing I wanted to do was use her, but that's exactly what I did._

**Don't own Hannah Montana.**

**Very AUish Loliver/one sided Oliver/Sarah (with mention of Jiley) songfic.**

**Rated T**

**BEWARE**

*****

**October 7, 2009: **_I updated and edited this quite a bit from the original I put up over a year ago. It might be worth taking a look at, if anyone's interested._

*****

I spent my whole life thinking "She's the one. She's really the one whose gonna save me from myself".

Well, Sarah never wanted that duty.

I was her best friend. Nothing else.

There wasn't much to say about her. Pretty, a little bit on the short time. Emo-ish, but with a whole "Hippie/tree hugger/impeach bush/hemp love" side. We were best friends since before I can remember.

I loved her.

She didn't love me.

She loved _him._

I hated _him_. Hated_ him_ more than anything in the fucking world.

_He _didn't care about her. She was just an object. Something to lean on, a quick fuck. Nothing more.

_He_ used her like I use... well, a lot of things. I mean material wise, not living-soul wise. I would never do that.

Okay, that's not true.

I have. Once. I didn't mean to.

And I'd do anything to make it up to her.

*

Lilly Truscott.

I don't know how she got involved in it all.

She was my best guy friends ex (back then. Though they're going out again) girlfriends best friend.

Or something like that.

For all I know Jake and Lilly could've gone out. They hate each other enough to be exes. Okay, "hate" isn't the right word, since Lilly is the only person who can straighten him out when he goes on his emotional over-ride... rides.

Yeah.

Back to Lilly.

I don't know what sparked it.

She was pretty, that was for sure, blonde and petite, like Sarah, and as my friends like to bother me, maybe the only reason I was interested in her.

I don't agree.

Lilly was quiet. Not in this whole shy way, or an "I'm so above you I can't even speak one syllable to you" way. She was one of the only people that treated me like I wasn't a freak. And people did, that's for sure.

She didn't act like the way I dressed made me the scum of the earth, or the music I listened to me defined me, or the (very accurate) rumors of me being a huge advocate of a certain "herb" made me any less of a person.

She lowered herself to my level, even though she deserves to be way higher.

While we went out, I was the happiest I'd be in... forever. Smoked less, depended on chemical less. She just made me happy.

I don't remember when I first really noticed her. I mean, since I met her, I've been aware of her, cuz hello, she's freaking gorgeous, but once I REALLY noticed her. I think it had to do with Jake who was trying to get Miley to go back out with him, and we were all hanging out at the mall, and she and I ended up hanging out and talking while Jake and Miley argued. And I finally got to see how freaking amazing the Gorgeous Lilly was.

And then, suddenly, Sarah was pushed to the side, and I was head over heals for Lilly.

Of course, I was a little afraid to just walk up and ask her out. She may be small and cute and all that, but there's something intimidating about her.

Like you don't wanna piss her off.

(I know for a fact now that YOU DO NOT want to do just that)

So I started off with simply saying "hi" to her more often, making sure to talk to her when I saw her, and asked for a hug every now and then.

Then from Miley I heard that Lilly liked me.

I told myself I was gonna ask her out the next time I saw her, but I chickened out, and ran away. Lilly tracked me down, then... asked me.

You know, to go out with her.

Be boyfriend and girlfriend and all that shit?

So there we were a happy little couple. I loved being around her. I loved her, but I got the feeling she didn't feel that way towards me.

Slowly, Sarah pushed herself back into my brain, and she was all I could think about.

Then I felt like I was using Lilly. Like, I don't know, to get over Sarah, and that's not what I wanted.

So I had to break up with her.

She took it easily. Just kinda gave me a hug, said she understood, smiled this smile that told me she did, and walked away.

And that's what killed me.

I knew she didn't love me. Didn't even like me enough to care.

But she did, at least at the level of "friendship". She still tried to talk to me, still wanted to be friends, like I told her we would. Except I couldn't take it.

I didn't like being the pity friend.

A couple months went by with me trying my hardest to ignore her, and I knew it was pissing her off.

But then one day, Sarah called me.

Told me she caught her boyfriend cheating on her. She broke it off with him.

She was devastated.

And that she really needed some one by her side.

So of course I raced to her side, and some where between the crying (her) and sympathizing (me) I admitted that I was in love with her.

And she told me she loved me back. Though now I know she doesn't.

But for the first couple of months, I was high on life, like I wasn't grabbing for my "buddy" anymore, not daily, no.

But when Lilly found out, boy, was she pissed. She told me straight up that she felt like she'd been used, even though it's the one thing I'd been trying to avoid, and that I was one "mother fucking son of a bitch that I hope rots in hell" or something like that.

I dropped lower then I've ever dropped before.

To only make things worse, Jake had finally wooed Miley back into a relationship, which meant I found myself spending a lot of awkward time with Lilly.

And I found myself falling for her again.

(again, actually, no. Never fell out of it)

And she ended up cooling down, and talking to me again.

But I refused to give up Sarah, so I started ignoring Lilly... again, afraid that I would do something totally irrational, cuz, you know, I'm pretty prone to those kinda things.

But at the end of our three months together, Sarah's ex boyfriend came crawling back, and she dropped me in a heart beat.

Believe me, I know what I put Lilly through.

The damage is done, there's not much else I can do about it.

But I still love her.

Even if she hates me forever.

I still love her.

And I think I always will.

*

_Ugh, abrupt ending much?_

_All my Loliver one-shots are from Oliver's POV... weird._

**PunkRockEmoPrincess7/StillStanding**


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